From August till Christmas I was on a self-destruct mission. Things were falling apart at home, my love life was a sort of personal hell I couldn't seem to escape and God was the bad guy who had stolen from me. Finally, I ran out of options. I hit rock bottom and - not for the first time in my life - God said, "Turn back around."
Now, the past five months have been far from easy and June will prove to be the hardest yet as I say another good-bye. My cousin, who is my best friend, is moving to France for two years on the the 20th of June.
As I look back over the "troubles" of the past year, I see nothing but God's masterpiece. Death is really the glorious entrance to our True Home, our True Life, and our True Love. God "taking" people away from me is actually an act of His righteous jealousy for me, for my attention. Ruined plans are in fact a new pathway and embarrassing confessions are a fresh start.
In the past year, I've been Eve - tempted and fallen; Enoch - who was blessed to walk closely with God; I've been a person at Babel - totally confused and freaked out; I've been Abraham - a wandering nomad; I've been Sarah - disbelieving God and laughing in His face; Lot - who accidentally stumbled into temptation; and a resident of Sodom - who ran towards temptation and any kind of sin like my life depended on it; I've been angry like Esau and a liar like Jacob, wrestling with God to no avail and coming away permanently altered. And - like Joseph - I've come to see things a little differently.
The past year, I've been all over the place. But more importantly, God's been in the same place. And that place was wherever I was.
Genesis is a book of God's faithfulness. My life is a testimony that He has not forgotten about me. He is faithful. This is my declaration.
"Look up at the heavens and count the stars - if indeed you can count them..."
"Don't give up," God is saying to each of us. "Don't give up on Me. Not until every star in the sky burns out and every grain of sand on the seashore is washed away...maybe even longer than that... Don't give up on Me. I am Faithful."
Thursday, May 12th, 2011.